Motorists took part this morning in “No Traffic Congestion” Day, enjoying short commutes and virtually no traffic tie-ups in all major U.S. cities. The annual event has grown in popularity as more people realize the benefits of hassle-free mobility, if only on this one day of the year.
“My drive into the office usually takes an hour, give or take three hours, but I was able to sleep in today,” said a relaxed and well-rested Otto Deeler of Los Angeles. “Oh sweet slumber, I’m going to get so much work done today!”
Across the nation, citizens reported similar feelings of unstoppable productivity and bursts of poetic expression.
“I’ve never seen my employees so happy, even Bonnie in accounting, and she’s always up to something,” said manager Liam O’Sine in Chicago. “Who knew not sitting stuck in traffic all morning would make everyone so peppy? What’s up with that?”
“My commute is a nightmarish quagmire of overwhelming doom and despair, and that’s on a good day,” said Houston resident Cara Vann. “How would I describe today, though? Like being hugged by a big bunch of soft puppies. That smell like warm cookies. Under a rainbow. After I won the lottery.”
Despite the popularity of “No Traffic Congestion” Day, transportation officials say there are currently no plans to hold it on any other days of the year.
Said transit passenger Will Andy Buss, “I go ’round and ’round, wondering why they only have this on April 1? Who do they think they’re fooling?”